Anthropomorphism Gone Wild

One of my pet hates? Cartoon animals with breasts (I'm opening myself up for some horrendous Google searches, aren't I?).

Let's take Madagascar III as an example. All the animals in the first two iterations are relatively animal-like (other than the, you know, part where they can talk). Then we get to the third film and a love interest for Alex the Lion is introduced - a leopard called Gia.

Here's how I imagine the animators discussing how to draw Gia.

Animator 1: So she has to be, like, sexy. The viewer has to want to bang her or they won't believe the relationship between Gia and Alex.
Animator 2: Dude, you want to have sex with a big cat? That's got to be kind of dangerous.
Animator 1: Oh come on, don't try to tell me you didn't have a crush on Nala from the Lion King. That bit where she looks at him all sexily with those big eyes? [Mimes a lewd act]
Animator 2: Jesus, what have we become? [Drinks coffee laced with whiskey]
Animator 3: OK, so let's give her long eyelashes. Nothing says girl leopard like mascara.
Animator 1: Yes! And we can make her Italian. That accent...
Animator 3: [Leaps up from chair with fist thrust in air] And a little, tiny waist and BOOBIES!
Animator 2: Wait, what? Isn't that a bit weird?
Animators 1 and 3: Shut up, it will be hot.
Animator 2: [Stabs self in brain with pencil]

It's just...I mean, yeah, we need to humanise cartoon animals to a degree otherwise we'd just have Springwatch the Movie. But why always with the boobs?

The only thing worse has to be when characters based on non-mammalian animals are given the same hourglass figure to designate them as an appropriate love interest. Antz, a Bugs Life and, my personal favourite, Happy Feet. A penguin with breasts is a disturbing, disturbing thing.

Well at least mice and rabbits are mammals, I suppose...

But this? Yeah, this is odd.

The Green (Fluorescent Protein)-Eyed Monster

Is there a formula for scientific success, or do some scientists simply ‘get lucky’?

When in doubt, draw a graph. This is not so much useful advice as a way of life. The pros and cons of various DNA ladders? The best flavour of soup for ten minute incubation breaks? Or the relationship between things breaking and student proximity? Questions all vastly simplified through the liberal application of pie-charts, bar graphs or, in times of great need, 3D scatter plots. In my experience, there are only two things that can't be better explained in a graphical format: cats and scientific careers.

Surely there should be a positive correlation between the amount of effort a scientist puts into their career and the likelihood of scientific success? But, no, instead of a nice straight line with an R2 value of 0.99, I keep getting something that looks like the teeth of a career-eating monster. "Aha," says Reviewer 3, "the author has failed to take an important variable into account: creativity." And, for once, he/she does have a good point. Is there any scientist out there who hasn't entertained the scary possibility that their lack of seventeen Nature papers might just be due to a lack of scientific ability?

But natural talent isn’t enough, and neither is hard work. I still can't get the numbers to add up. There's something else at work here: luck.

An extreme-graphing habit doesn't exactly leave much room for futile emotions such as jealousy. But, when it comes to scientists who seem to get all the lucky breaks, I can't seem to help but daydream about all the terrible accidents that might befall them. Contaminated cultures, ripped protein gels, background on their western blots. I know, I'm an awful person.

Yet luck is something that anyone embarking on a career in the lab needs to consider. With only 5% of early career postdocs progressing to the next level – a fellowship or lectureship – there is the very real possibility that many good scientists are going to find themselves chucked out of the lab along with the out-of-date plasmid extraction kits. Actually, that's not true – no one would throw away perfectly useable consumables just because they are past their use-by date.

Choose a slow-paced lab in which to pursue a PhD, or the wrong project in some cobwebby corner of science into which even your supervisor doesn't want to venture, and your career is already off to a shaky start. In today's competitive scientific environment, no one can afford to treat a PhD as a learning experience during which they can gradually learn how to be a fully-fledged scientist. Yet no one seems to tell you this when you're getting to grips with your pipette.

With the big grants increasingly going to big established labs, the chances of making a real impact during your PhD can depend on being in the right lab at the right time. Pick a mentor who will champion you through fellowship and lectureship applications, and you have the chance to sink or swim on merit alone. And these are the lucky guys and gals that test my composure more than temperamental cell lines. I don’t doubt that they’re brilliant, but it sometimes feels like they've had all the opportunities.

But maybe it's just that they've taken advantage of their fortuitous circumstances, and managed to get themselves in a position where luck is on their side?

We are always hearing how so many of the big scientific discoveries are down to luck. Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin when one of his bacterial Petri dishes became contaminated with antibiotic-producing mould, right? Only, what no one seems to mention is that it was Fleming's scientific curiosity (and stubbornness) that got penicillin through the ten long years it took to find a way to turn it into a drug. That wasn't luck that was, um, science.

Much of the work we do as scientists is preparing ourselves so that, when those moments of serendipity strike, we are ready for them. Perhaps the same goes for careers and the 'lucky' guys aren't lucky at all.

Fw: Criminal Gang Initiations in Rural English Villages

If you see a baby seat left by the side of the road, DO NOT STOP!!! Local police have released a warning that criminal gangs are using this ruse to lure women into stopping their cars to check on the baby. The location of the car seat will usually be beside a wooded area, and the woman will be dragged out of view of the road, beaten, raped, and left for dead. Their car and possessions will be taken by the thieves! These are desperate times and unsavoury individuals will take desperate measures to get what they want. Please inform all the women you care about!!! This nearly happened to my friend's wife but, luckily, she didn't stop.

And then their kidneys get stolen and then...oh, wait. Setting aside the point that any criminal gang attempting to make a living in a rural English village possibly isn't intelligent enough to come up with such a complicated scheme, surely something so horrific would have been, like, in the news?

What this is, dear gullible Facebook and email acquaintances, is an urban legend. Stories such as these, like 19th-century folk-tales, seem to mirror the anxieties and beliefs of the people who tell them. Little Red Riding Hood? The story takes on a new meaning when you remember that, once upon a time, girls really might just have been eaten/molested by wolves/men if they strayed into the forest away from the safety of the village.

The baby seat tale isn't much different from Little Red Riding Hood, especially if you believe the interpretations of the original folk tale as being a warning against the dangers of sexual predators. Innocent victim lured away by criminals, leaving her entirely at their mercy to suffer what is commonly perpetuated as the worst fate that can befall a woman - rape.

As a woman, I've had this rapey fear drummed into me from an early age, via cautionary tales of foolish girls wearing short skirts (urghhh) and warnings about the dangers of shady men prowling the nighttime streets. Never mind that most rapes are perpetrated by someone known to the victim; never mind that this kind of myth can be harmful when it plants the seed in people's minds that rape isn't really rape unless it is committed by a violent stranger.

We can see a similar collective hysteria when it comes to paedophillia and recidivism - that's the likelihood that a criminal will reoffend. Studies have suggested that sex offenders are actually less likely to be rearrested after their release from prison than other criminals. But the widespread belief that re-offence among paedophiles is pretty much guaranteed has worked its way into how such criminals are sentenced (I'm not getting into the argument over punishment versus rehabilitation here, only that misconceptions shouldn't play a part in our justice system).

And are we still talking about the dangers of vaccination? A quick look in the news tells me yes! After all, what is a wealth of scientific information in the face of an internet-sized storm of relatable stories about kids whose lives have been ruined by vaccines? The irony is that, along with saving millions of lives, vaccines also immunised the public against their fear of vaccine-preventable diseases. No one is scared of measles anymore. But what about that girl who so-and-so's friend's aunt knew who was eaten by the family cats RIGHT after getting the MMR vaccine. Coincidence? Complete fabrication? Whatever, it's a good story!

Urban legends are a way of sharing and reaffirming our collective beliefs about the dangers surrounding us. Humans are hard-wired to want to tell stories and doing so creates a sense of community that brings us together and shapes how we live our lives. But it's not always a good thing when it makes us scared of things that aren't actually dangerous (vaccines, rural rape-gangs, Muslims), while at the same time we end up underestimating the real dangers (roads, alcohol, measles).

Some links:

• Croft, Robin (2006). "Folklore, Families and Fear: Exploring the Influence of the Oral Tradition on Consumer Decision-making".
• Lave, (2011). "Inevitable recidivism - the origin and centrality of an urban legend."
• If in doubt, look it up on Snopes.com

Bingo doesn't get tougher than this

 

My theory? Gregg Wallace and John Torode have been replaced with automata programmed with a set number of nonsensical phrases and the ability to construct strings of adjectives that would be better suited to an erotic novel.

But Masterchef is a bit like the boy who cried wolf. There is only so many times I can hear "Food doesn't get any tougher than this" before I start to think that, well, it clearly does get tougher otherwise you guys wouldn't keep making more series. And I wouldn't keep feeling compelled to watch you suck on your forks as if simply eating the food isn't good enough TV.

And, while I am on this little rant, what is with all the food programs in the world insisting on describing a hunk of fish as "cooked to perfection"? Dudes, either it is cooked or it's raw. Tasty or not tasty. Intestinal worms or not intestinal worms.

And does no one else really, really hope for the wondrous day when one of the contestants overcooks their scallops (perched artfully on a smear of what looks like poo) to such as a degree that "Food doesn't get any tougher than this" actually works as a sentence?

Next episode Wed 27th at 8pm, BBC1. The contestants will be facing a tricky palate test - pappardelle with meatballs and tomato sauce. Yay!

Guru Magazine Issue 10

In their words, "Guru Magazine is an exclusively crowd-sourced, free science-themed magazine. Released bi-monthly, it’s designed to be read and understood by regular people (like you and I). This means, like Wikipedia, it is shaped by its readers and dependent upon its contributors."

Issue 10 is out today and is full of great stuff, such as "Five reasons not to prepare for a zombie apocalypse" plus tips on how be a hit on Valentines day with all the right dance moves. Hmmm, dancing tips from scientists...

Oh, and I have an article in which I manage to quote both Lewis Carroll and Francis Crick.

Do you want to put science in the headlines?

If you do then the British Science Association Media Fellowships are for you.

Experience first-hand how science is reported by spending 3-6 weeks on a summer placement with a press, broadcast or online journalist such as the Guardian, The Times or BBC.

You will work with them to produce well informed, newsworthy pieces about developments in science.

Come away better equipped to communicate your research to the media, public and your colleagues.

You will develop writing skills that could help you produce concise and engaging articles and funding applications.

For details about the scheme, including eligibility and online application form, visit our webpage.

Application deadline: 11 March 2013

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So I was a British Science Association Media Fellow last year and had so much fun that I briefly considering changing my name and appearance so I could apply again and work at one of the other media hosts. But, unfortunately, science does not pay well enough for facial reconstructive surgery to be a viable option.

If anyone does have any questions about the scheme, please get in touch and I will be happy to help.

Faecal Transplants Through the Medium of Cartoons

Faecal transplants are highly effective in treating recurrent Clostridium difficile infections compared to conventional antibiotics. The transplants proved so successful that the trial was stopped early to give other patients the chance to benefit from this slightly icky-sounding treatment, which is proposed to repopulate the gut with good bacteria to suppress the growth of Clostridium difficile. The results were published in the New England Journal of Medicine this week.

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Oh, what's that? You're confused about the dramatic change from those word-things to the above explosion of anthropomorphised microbes? So I am trying something new - cartoon-based explanations of new scientific papers (Sci-toons?). I figured there are already many, many people writing about science on the internet, but how many illustrate their articles with vaguely menacing pictures of bacteria? Not many (although maybe there's a reason for this)!